Grateful acknowledgements are hereby made to Logan Ray Scott and to his sister Lucy, (Mrs. Steinhauer), for their sending the original "Journal" of their grandmother, Nancy Jane Logan Teagarden, that I might make copies of it.
Hazie Davis LeFevre (Mrs. E. W.)
Nancy J. Logan Teagarden (Mrs. T. H.)
(torn away). . .day.
Lula unwell. Tommie commenced plowing, broke his promise in the very outset by working very hard all day so that he was almost too tired to sleep at night. .Miss Ella Laudermi. .spent the evening making Lula aprons. Addie is making her bonnet. Nothing has occurred worthy of record today. Miss Ella remarked this evening that she was going backward. . .terary matters. I fear it is so with too many of "us girls" who spend too much time in light reading and idle talking to improve our minds and hearts. Our youthful efforts to ascend the rugged hill will all be thrown away I fear if we don not . . .around us. We should all endeavor to improve every opportunity for acquiring useful information both for the . . .it may some day be to us. . .should all feel ashamed. . .ssing forward.
. . .out shopping. Tommie plowed until dinner by had the misfortune to break his plow. Like a good fellow he didn't get at all vexed but took it very quietly though he was disappointed in being thus prevented from finishing his job. After all we don't make much by getting out patience when accidents happen.
Addie spent the evening with Mrs. P. I wish Aunt Mary who, by the way, is getting well rapidly. With my assistance she walked to the fire this evening. (Note--what did she wish Aunt Mary?)
"Who is not thankful for Saturday night." Another weeks labor is ended. Last quiet Sabbath is before us. It has been extremely warm today for the season. I think it pr. . .Went back to Hodges' gallery today and had some pictures taken of Lula. Much better than the first attempt. Frank has been gone to Calvert two or three days. Ironed this evening. Rec'd February No. of Godey. All well.
Frank returned this morning to bring the happy intelligence that we have a dear little new niece. I have been in a perfect paroxysm of delight ever since I heard the news; but for this wicked norther I should have gone out with . . .this very evening. I don't care. . .ely as I want to go I know. . .would give me no please if I were to go wishing. . .going with me. I wonder if I am not foolish about. . .I was about half crazy to go see Ma Christmas, so Tommie. . .down and came back to town, and to save my life. . .help getting lonely when night came and he was not there. But to return to that "baby" How am I to wait until it gets warm enough to go. How I long to see dear Bro. Al and Sister Lou and tell them in words how I sympathize in their new found happiness. Frank tells me they think of calling the little Darling "Minnie". I do hope they will that is such a sweet name. Addie went to Sunday School (there was no church) and spent the day with Jane Mackey. Got a letter from . . .bearing considerable news. Several deaths--Lucy Wharton poor little girl is gone, but we should rather rejoice than be sad, for we know that she has been saved a life of s. . ., perhaps of sin, and has gone home to be forever an Angel in heaven. She was conscious that she was
Addie and I quilted. Got up the renewed resolutions. Am determined to persevere in my efforts to attain excellence in housekeeping. It is very evident I have no natural tact but I'll keep trying and maybe I can acquire it. Tommie says it has to be learned like every thing else. He is still spading. Mrs. Britt called. Rec'd Arthur. . .for February.
Tuesday, Feb. 1st 1870
Well we have finished our quilt at last and I am so proud of it I can hardly--well I don't know how to express my pride. Now I am sure to remember 28 of my friends a long long while. Some fatality has seemed to follow me all day. Everything I have attempted has gone wrong. Dropped things, Burned my hand, and the crowning mishap of all was not unlike the fable of the milkmaid. I had mixed in all the ingredients for a custard except the eggs and was just thinking what a nice dessert I would have for dinner when, just a I had reached the eggs my feet slipped and I was precipitated to the ground, my face striking against a piece of timber and almost knocked me "sensable". As all who have any knowledge of cooking will predict, more poor eggless custard was "not good". Mrs. Hurley called. I have been trying very hard lately to fix my mind on Spiritual things, on God and Heaven. I am too prone to spend the precious hours. . .wherein I should be growing rich in grade, in . . ., in speculation and dreaming. I possess some (page torn and gone). . .but alas, I am not improving it. . .I do not lack the me. . .for books are within. . . much more important in. . .(torn and gone). . .
Wednesday and Thursday we finished off that dreaded quilt of Addie's. We have peas, onions, cabbage, and turnips up. Think we are getting the . . .art on our neighbors in gardening. Tommie seems so fond of gardening. I love it too, dearly, but I never get to do any work in it. I am a little afraid the chickens will eat our vegetables, a kindness with which we will dispense, if possible.
Sat. 5th (Feb. 5, 1870)
"Night sable goddess from her ebon throne
In rayless majesty now stretches forth
Her laden Sceptor o'er a slumbering world
Silence how deep! and darkness how profound."
Amid the silence and darkness I sit alone, pouring over my beloved Journal (for I am beginning to love it already). Not in the darkness either for a bright fire blazes upon the hearth and I am seated closely in its ruddy light while my precious little Pet sleeps sweetly in her cradle beside me. I draw my writing table over that I may both rock and write. I am so unused to being alone at night that I positively cannot keep an uneasy feeling, either of fear or loniless, I hardly know which, creeping over me. Since I have been keeping house Tommie has left me but once at night, and then only for one half hour. He wouldn't have gone tonight but Addie wanted so very much to go to the . . ., so he carried her. I seem to have so little time for my Journal. I wish I could write more.
Tuesday, Feb. 8th (Feb. 8, 1870)
So again I am alone. My dear Tommie has been gone two days. He so seldom leaves home that I find it hard to bear his absence. I think it would be impossible to count the times I have looked up the road this evening hoping to see him coming. Miss Lizzie and Cousin Eddie stayed with us last night so we were not so lonely as we would have been--but no one can be the company to me that my Dear is, nor can keep me from feeling lonely when he is away. He has gone to Bremond. Addie met with a chance of going to church and as there was to be a new preacher to preach, I would not deny her the priviledge of going for my foolish aversion of being alone. Besides my conscience told me I could consent for them to go to a show and why not to church.
Thursday 10th. (Feb. 10, 1870)
Tommie came back almost sick. He took a violent cold the night before he left and then his cold ride up there and working upon the cold ground. Surveying has almost given him pneumonia. I hope he will be better soon. He has fever this evening. Mrs. Glass spent the evening with me. Lula is quite well.
Friday 11th (Feb. 11, 1870)
Tommie is much better. Addie went to church again last night. Bro. Chase preached. Emma D. came to see me this evening. I like Emma very much. Said she enjoyed her visit to Waco exceedingly. It is a pleasant place no doubt. Tommie was greatly pleased with Bremond. Says it is the prettiest locality for a town he ever saw. I think he half concluded to settle there. From his description of it I think I would like it myself. Well I want to go to church Sunday. It has been so long since it has been my blessed priviledge to sit under the sound of the gospel. I so love the house of God. I was so sorry to hear Bro. Lane was going to quit the Circuit. Hope the report is false. All who heard him seemed greatly pleased with him and he might have done a great deal of good. I am sure good preachers are greatly needed here and everywhere indeed, but it a sad truth that they are very rare. I think Bro. Crabb was one of the best men I ever knew--a good preacher, but is lost to us now--gone to his blessed reward, to receive a crown of unfading glory and be a rich partaker in the joys of heaven. May we meet him in that bright mansion above.
Saturday (Feb. 12, 1870)
Well I have been to my first Circus. Had no idea going last night but Tommie wished me to as he had heard it was very good. Pa and Ma were always opposed to Circuses and consequently none of us ever attended any. Tommie said if I was not religiously opposed to going he would like to have me see it once anyway. So I went and the performance was truly wonderful. It is strange, strange indeed that men can learn to accomplish such feats. I could scarsely believe that my senses were not deceiving me. Add went and enjoyed it hugely.
As I feared Tommie is almost sick. He has had some fever today and such a terrible cold--but that's not surprising. I only hope it will not get worse. He brought me good news--has bought us a Home. A beautiful place, he says, about a mile from Bremond. I have been in an ecstasy every since he told me for if there is one thing I really desire more than any thing else it is a pleasant little home--one that is all my own. There is no improvements on the place so it will be some time before we are in possession of it, but I'll try to wait patiently. Tommie is not much better. Miss Mollie Lloyd called this evening. Mrs. Glass came round too and carried Addie home with her to spend the night. It has been quite pleasant today.
Again we are alone. Tommie is gone to Bremond again. He went up this Monday & looked at it. Yesterday he went to Calvert and bought lumber for his house for he is going to have us a little home immediately. So he has gone up there now to work at it and I don't know when I will see him again. He half promised though to come Saturday. This evening has been spent quite pleasantly. Miss Lizzie, Addie and I went round to see that dear and valued friend Mrs. Perkins. She is well. There, 'dear me what scribbling. I'll have to relinguish the idea of journalizing for tonight for my finger hurts me so I can't hold my pen. Oh! I am lonely when Tommie is gone! I don't believe I can ever get used to his being away. I can bear it pretty well until the sun begins to sink in the west, then I want to see my darling coming. Oh! what anguish those must bear who know their loved ones will never come again. God bless my Tommie and take care of him tonight.
Morning of rest dawned bright and rosy promising a pleasant day but the South wind arose and blew so strongly that it was almost impossible to go out. Addie went to Sunday School however promising to come back when it was over and keep Lula while I went to Church. She came but said there was to be no preaching as the preacher had not come. But he came this evening and preached a short sermon at three o'clock so I was not disappointed at last. I was to some extent too for I thought Bro. Lane was to preach but it was Bro. Weatherby. He is not an eloquent speaker but I derived good from his sermon. His text was one often selected "Behold I stand at the door and knock! If any man hear my voice and will open the door I will come in and sup with him and he with me." I have hear the same preached from many times but never in the same manner in which he treated it Wednesday.
Such a boisterous day! and Tommie out in it too. I declare it is too bad. I am so much afraid the sudden change will make him sick. He started before day to Calvert and the Norther came up just at day light. I half hoped he would turn back but he didn't. The wind has blown with perfect fury all day--shaking the house till it fairly frightened me. Tommie will certainly stay all night. What a silly creature I am! He told me he might not get back yet not withstanding I know it would be imprudent for him to come through this wind I don't feel like I could sleep if he doesn't come. There! Isn't that him whistling? No it is Cousin Ed. . .He has come to stay with us. But there is Tommie and nearly frozen. So glad to see him but afraid it will make him sick. Though I hope not. So goodbye old Journal for I am going to make my Tommie a good cup of coffee--I am.
Once more the "powerful kind of day" is sinking slowly in the West, and I will try to snatch (or scratch) a few lines ere the twilight fades. A more gloomy, dreary, smoky evening I never saw. But perhaps I feel it more because I feel lonely. The wind has been blowing with violence all day but I have not felt it much for Addie and I have been sewing so busily today that we have not taken time to go out into the wind. Spring is almost here! The orchard is in full bloom. It looks so pretty one cannot help wishing it would remain so all the year. But I suppose it will look equally beautiful loaded with rich ripe fruit. Our little garden is growing so nicely before the norther came. Now my poor peas are lying withered on the ground. It looked hard to see them killed by the relentless blast.
Sunday March 7th, 1870
Dear Journal once more I come to thee that I may commit to thy faithful bosom a few flying thoughts. The last perhaps that I shall record in my beloved Owenville home. We will leave it tomorrow for a little wilderness home among strangers. I am happy to go yet loath to part with my dear friends here. Some of them possesses my warmest regard. All of them have been kind and sociable and I cannot bid them farewell! without a sign. I had no idea we would go so soon, but Tommie was successful in getting help to build and so finished a little house sooner than he expected. I am very glad to go soon for I think it is still not too late to plant shrubbery. I shall take a little up anyway and try it. May Heaven preserve the friends we leave behind and raise up new ones in our new home.
"Greenwood" March 12
Well here we are nicely ensconced in our new home. As proud as we can be, though in the wilderness. Have been here two days, had quite a pleasant time coming up. It was pretty cold but Lula and I were as snug as you please in the wagon. Tommie got very cold and I was seriously alarmed the next morning to find him so hoarse he could scarsely speak with headache and fever. I was sure he was going to have pneumonia. He has got over it however and is at work as hard as he can clearing out his little field. I tried to persuade him to give up making one this year but he is determined to try. I hope he will succeed. I am greatly pleased with the country here, it is really beautiful, far superior to any other part of Robertson county I have seen. Oh! we are going to have such a nice little place here when we get it improved. But there is a great deal hard work to do and it seems utterly impossible to get help. Tommie says he doesn't expect to get anything done only what he can do himself. It is a shame that so many men are lounging about the streets who might earn good wages and make their families comfortable if they would only give up their idle habits and go to work. I haven't had time to get lonely yet, haven't missed any one much except Addie. I believe even Lula misses her. Yesterday her Pa asked her where Aunt Addie was and she looked all around the room like she was hunting her. Got a letter from Uncle Billie this week, the first for a long time. He almost made me believe he was going to get married. How I wish. He is too good a man--would make too good a husband to spend his life alone. I can wish him no happier lot than to take a gentle loving companion to share his pilgramage. We had quite a storm last night. The wind blew terribly almost frightened me to death. Rained very hard with considerable hail. We were rejoiced to see rain as we were needing it badly.
"Greenwood" March 1870
Well I have something to chronicle this morning that I have never had before and I trust never will again. Yesterday was Sunday, our first Sunday in the backwoods. And we made a beautiful beginning! I'll declare it surpasses any thing I ever heard of. Some how we made a mistake and thought it was Saturday. So we both worked as hard as we could. Tommie did a big days work in his new ground, chopping and making fence. I spent the morning patching, then washed out some things for Lula and did my baking for Sunday. We didn't see anyone to tell us of our mistake all day. After supper Tommie sat down to make a memorandum of what he wanted to get done next week, so he would not be thinking about business on Sunday, he said. While we were talking it over Mr. Holland came over and told us it was Sunday. I couldn't realize that he was in earnest at first but after "counting up" we found he was right and we had unwittingly violated that holy command "Remember the Sabbath Day and keep it holy." I hope we have not committed any sin as it was done through ignorance but I am sorry it occurred. Tommie was really plagued for as we are strangers in this vicinity, our neighbors would not be likely to form a very favorable opinion of us, from hearing his axe going all day Sunday--but what is done can't be undone and I guess we will be more careful in the future. This is a beautiful day. The sun is shining brightly but is cool and pleasant. The birds have been singing so sweetly all day! I wonder what kind of birds they are. There seems to be a host in every tree and each one seems trying to excell the other in song. Oh! how I love to hear their sweet songs.
The Rail Road hands at work here are getting to be quite troublesome, that is, it is disagreeable to have them so close to us. Yesterday they were drinking all day and had a fight right before our door. I'll be glad when they are gone.
"Greenwood" March 21, 1870
Nothing of importance has occurred since I last wrote in my Journal, a week ago today. We have a severe norther that very day and I think Tuesday was the coldest day we have had this winter. Mr. Holland came over and would have us go home with and have an eggnog. We wrapped up, rolled Lula up "head and ears" in a blanket and set forth, spent the day and had a nice time. The eggnog was nice but as it is something I am not at all fond of I was only a "looker on". Tommie walked to town in the afternoon notwithstanding the cold and brought me a "letter from home". It was very very welcome as it was my first tidings from the loved ones there in a long while, and the more so as I found enclosed the picture of Pa, Ma, Susie, Johnnie, and Jimmie. Was prouder of them than I would have been of a little fortune. Blessings on the Artist's head! Tommie has worked hard all the week--for the last three weeks in fact. He has felt the need of his last Sabbath. How clearly is the wisdom of God shown in all his doings--in none more forcibly than in setting apart one day out of seven for a day of rest. It is essential to the well being of every one. Without it the laboring man would soon become exhausted. It was indeed a wise provision. An old saying--"A Sabbath well spent
Brings a week of content
And health for the toils of tomorrow
But a Sabbath profaned
Whatsoever may be gained
Is a certain forerunner of sorrow."
is literally true. We lose nothing by obeying God's holy Commands. A violation never fails to bring its own punishment.
"Greenwood" April 6th (1870)
Well I am home again and must not fail to mention my pleasant trip "home" or my visit from Dear Ma (It was such a happy surprise) for I had not thought of her coming. Tommie and Frank had gone to Bremond and as I imagined a lonely evening was before me I concluded to slip away from it and have a cozy chat with Mrs. Holland. Stayed about three hours and came home to find Johnnie perched upon the steps watching for me. He and Ma had been here all the time I had been gone. I was so so glad to see them. I couldn't help felling vexed at myself for going off. They had sent round everywhere they could and couldn't find me so they got them dinner and made themselves at home. I was very uneasy about Ma the next day--her ride proved an overtax to her strength and she was quite sick. But she got better soon and Oh! I enjoyed her visit so much. I went home with her Thursday and up to Uncle Jimmie's the day following. We had heard a day or two previous that Aunt Mary was very low with pneumonia and neither of us expected to see her again. But we found her much better though still very weak. She had been very near the grave. Looks so badly. Little Minnie too was very sick. I never had such feelings, hardly in my life. I had looked forward so long to the time when I could take the little darling in my arms and see it's bright blue eyes that I had been told were just like Lula's. My first impression on seeing her sweet little face so distorted by suffering was that I had come to see her die. But our blessed Lord was pleased to spare her. And I had the great satisfaction of seeing her almost well when I came away. It had been so long since I had seen Sister Lou that I hated to leave her so soon. I seem never to have realized before how dear she is to me. I do indeed love her as a Sister. She is so different from most of Ladies at the present day, so good and pure minded. I wish we were all more like her, innocent and guileless. It seems to me I had hardly got there and seen them until it was time to start home. Mollie was there. She tells me the Maj has just got her a grand piano. I wish I had one and I could perform on it as well as she can. I am so very fond of music. It carries me away. Tommie loves it ardently too and I think he possesses considerable talent if he would only cultivate it. I beg him often to get him a Guitar. I am sure he would soon play well if he would only practice. And it would be so delightful to be able to sing and play of evenings when we would otherwise be lonely. I am going to keep on "begging" till he does get one. I like Guitar music as well as the piano. Bro. Al has promised to bring Cou. . .us soon. I hope he will.
I heard sad news when I got home. Cousin Gilbert (Note-son of Wm. McCoun Logan of Saline Co., Art.--who was a bro. of James Welch Logan or "Pa" in this Journal) is dead. My heart refuses to realize the mournful truth. He has been more to me than a cousin. He has acted a faithful brother's part. Gilbert loved me--I am confident. Not wrongfully but with the pure affection he would have lavished on his sisters had they been with him. Indeed he told me once that I was dearer to him than they for he had not seen them for years. Gilbert was an unhappy man. I hardly know why it was but I think it was very little happiness fell to his earthly lot. I humbly hope he has gone to that blessed land where there is no more sorrow. I am happy now that he is gone, that I was ever the means of giving him pleasure. He told me once that he had more happiness in my friendship than in any thing else. How I sympathize with his bereaved Sisters--the last of four brothers. (Note--the four brothers were: James Harvey Logan, Thomas Gilbert, John Davis, and Wm. Marshall Logan; the sisters: Nancy Emmaline and Sarah Clarissa.)
"Greenwood" April 14th (1870)
I "dubbed" our new home "Greenwood" to please Tommie. He was partial to the name on account of living at one called the same for several years in his boyhood. I have an exquisite little poem written by him (His first attempt at poetry, he says) addressed to it on leaving it. I wonder if the new home calls up many happy associations from bearing the same name. The Misses Collard called this evening. I had been scrubbing up my kitchen utinsils--cups, pans, etc. when Tommie called me to assist him in his work. By the way he is making me a kitchen. I hurried to him without taking the time to wash my hands. In the midst of my efforts to become a "Carpentress" the young ladies "were announced" a novel writer would say but truth compells me to own they announced themselves by climbing over the fence in front of my door. So I had to receive them with my hands nicely besmeared with soap and sand. They are both talkative, exceedingly pleasant and we all enjoyed the evening. Bettie was particularly please with them. I believe I have hitherto omitted to say that She came home with me. Tommie bought me some hens yesterday. I was so glad and now I am going to try my very best at raising chickens. I have a presentment that I will not be very lucky. At least I'll try not to count them before they hatch! Lula (end)
"Greenwood" April 17
Once more the never ceasing wheels of time have brought a glorious Sabbath morning. Frank came this morning to inform Tommie that he was compelled to be in O. (Owenville) all this week. Court has been going on a week and he was summoned some time since to serve on the Jury the second week. Oh! it is so hard to say Good-by for a whole week. I ought not to complain though for my dear Tommie never leaves me except when it is unavoidable. He hates to leave me quite as badly as I do to have him go. How badly those poor wives must feel whose husbands spend half the time away--not from necessity but because they prefer any other place to home--any other company to that of their wives. And there are many such. Thank God! Oh! Thank God! for the blessed portion he has granted me--a true husband. I am sure the wealth of kingdoms could not make me half as happy.
Greenwood April 20th, 1870
If my love were only at home tonight I should be "happy as happy can be". A happy event took place today! One long to be remembered by one happy heart. Mattie has been so sad--so grief stricken since her Darling Garrie was taken from her arms that I have never thought of her but with the deepest sympathy. When I look down at Ma's last I could hardly keep from weeping when I looked upon her sad face and heard her speak of her baby boy more sadly and pitifully than if he had been lying in his coffin. She had not seen him for more than three months during which time she had certainly tried every means of recovering him that she thought possible. Well, today Pa determined to stand it no longer so armed himself and he and Mattie came up and took forcible possession of him. I never spent an hour of greater suspense than while they were gone after him, for notwithstanding I knew they had a contemptible coward to deal with I didn't know what might happen and it was terrible to think of Pa's getting hurt. But thank God! they succeeded without serious difficulty further than a few threats. How fervently I prayed that he might be restored to her. And Oh! it was such a happy sight to see them. Her face was fairly radient with happiness as his little arms clasped her neck. She looked almost too happy. I felt like Bettie--that it was next to sacrilege to look upon her joy. But we all sympathized in it as much as it was possible. I could not but imagine what my feelings would have been had I been separated from by precious Lula that long and then be permitted to clasp her again to my bosom. My imagination cannot picture the reality, I know.
Oh! what terrible thing an unhappy marriage is. What hours of agony poor Mattie's sad choice has cost her. And not only herself but all the family. I have shed more tears over her miserable fate than I ever hope to have cause to shed for another. I never realized until I saw her happiness forever wrecked, her bright young hopes cruelly crushed by a low deceitful scoundrel what a terrible risk it is to marry a stranger. At least it proved her ruin. Poor girl! (Note, by HDL--His crime was drinking. He finally conquered the habit. On the following 29th of March they were "re-united" after a separation of three years. About two years later a baby daughter was born to Mattie, and eighteen months later Mattie died.) But God is good and I hope to see her happy. I'm sure there was no crime in the mistake she committed in marrying him--it was one of the head and not of the heart. For she loved him devotedly, at first, and would have done so always had he not proved himself unworthy even her respect.
How grateful I am that my blessed Savior watched over my heart and saved me from a similar error. Glory be to His Holy name he has ever kept my feet in the right path and Oh! how richly he has blessed me. Blessed Savior may my heart ever overflow with Gratitude when I think on thy mercies. And may I think on them often and strive to love and serve Thee better. Oh! that God would purge my heart from all sin and make it a fit temple for the indwelling of His Holy Spirit. If I could only live near Jesus all the time how happy should be! Nothing on earth could then move me for Jesus the Lord would be my stay. But alas! alas! my heart is ever sinful. "Desperately wicked" as the Scripture declares it. When I think of the vileness of my nature I feel utterly undone. But thank God "we have a mediator in Jesus Christ the Righteous."
"Greenwood" April 22nd.
How lovely our "Greenwood" home is coming. It fully verifies its name now. I looked around upon the prospects today (as I do everyday) and my menial verdict was "beautiful, truly beautiful!" I am particularly enthusiastic on the subject of a home any way and this just suits my fancy. I become more and more attached to it as the opening Spring unfolds its beauties. Tommie says he is fast being chained to it. My precious darling Tommie how I long to see you tonight--one, two, three, yes four nights yet before I can see you. But I suppose I must not fill up every sheet n my Journal with thoughts of you, though I do indulge them oftener than any other on Earth.
Every thing is getting so green and beautiful. To me the woods are prettier now than they will be any other time of the year. The leaves have such a brilliant appearance now--after a while they will be a darker green and will afford a greater shade. I noticed as I walked over the Prairie today that there is a perfect profusion of small flowers spotting the ground. Oh! how I love Nature and Nature's God! How i love to worship Him in the opening buds and wild spring blossoms. In what a glad voice do they speak to my heart of the Good One who has given us so many beautiful things and has made our nature such that we are rendered happy by contemplating them. "A thing of Beauty is a joy forever."
Brother Al spent the night with us. It was so unexpected though very welcome visit. Says Lou and Minnie are well and that he is going to bring them to see us soon. I should be so glad. Bro. Al does not seem to like the idea of a home where he cannot make a fortune. In that one respect he and Tommie differ widely. I heard Him telling Mr. W. the other day that he wouldn't give his quiet little home here with its nice garden, yard and other comforts and conveniences for the heaviest establishment belonging to our city Merchants. It made me happy to hear him express such a sentiment for that is just the way I would have him feel. To see him happy and contented in the enjoyment of life's comforts is all I ask to be supremely happy myself. I wouldn't have him immersed in business and grappling for a fortune like some men for any thing on earth. From my heart I can say with the deepest sincerity I do not crave wealth. I do not ask for Riches. I know they cannot give happiness. When I see lines of care on My Darling's brow (I sometimes see them) I wish to see him find a happy path out of his troubles. But I don't think he ever has the "blues" without a pretty good reason. I (unfinished).
"Greenwood" Friday 22nd.
The week is drawing "its slow length along" and Saturday night will soon be here. I say soon but I may not so shure that it seems so tonight. I know tomorrow is going to be a long long day. How the hours will drag till I hear my Loved One's welcome voice. I wonder if all poor wives miss there husbands as much, and are as lonely as I when mines is away. Oh! come soon Dear, I feel tonight that I can hardly wait another day. Sweet Lula has been so playful today. I have thought so often when I have seen her laughing face of "Papa" would give for a kiss. How he loves here! Oh! Lula--my precious precious Lamb--how we both love you!
The air is . . eal tonight with oxbells--("Those evening bells" as sister Lou calls them.) blended with the unceasing cherup of waterfrogs in the tank. A homey choir some would think but I love to hear them. I think we are destined to be favored with the melody . . .the time but I suppose the oxbells will soon have to give place to the "snort of the iron horse". Julia and Maggie Collard came over yesterday and invited us to a picnic on the last day of April. They are all going down for an excursion on Flag Lake. Mr. Russle has a nice boat and all anticipate a pleasant time. No doubt they will enjoy it exceedingly. I don't know whether we will go or not. but I am getting sleepy. Goodnight to the Dearest, tomorrow night I hope to kiss you good night.
(On back of this same page--dates seems to be one day off.)
Monday, April 26th.
Bettie went home this morning in spite of all my entreaties. She could hardly wait for Tommie to get home--she was so impatient to see Garrie. (Note, James Garrie Davis, b. 1865). By the way my Darling got here safe and sound (though very wet) Saturday evening. It would be useless to try to tell how glad I was to see him. He brought sad news. Another friend's gone from among us--and a playmate! Willie Bennett--just entering manhood--I am so sorry! What a blow to his doting Father. Willie was a good boy and would have made a smart man.
Last night the flood gates of Heaven were opened and we have quite a deluge. The lightening was terrific. Mrs. H. stayed with us.
Frank has left us for an indefinite period--a year perhaps. I was sorry to see him leave. Tommie wanted him to shay here and study book-keeping. He has gone to Kansas. I hope he will have a successful trip and get back safely. Again our hearts have been filled with grief at the loss of a friend. How many more of our cherished friends will "Relentless Dearth" take from us this Season!
"Friend after friend departs!
Who has not lost a friend
There is no union here of hears,
That finds not here an end.
Mr. Frazer was a good man--beloved by all who knew him, and best of all he was a Christian. When we feel like reballing against God's righteousness (End of that page)
(A great deal of this page is missing--frayed from old age)
"Greenwood" May 5th
This is such a lovely night. The moon. . .through a few scattered clouds a floating. . .tinues almost obscuring her "benignant way". . .mber how hard it was for one when a child. . .that it was the clouds to the moon which moved. To my juvinile optics it was certainly that orb though I was sometimes sadly at a loss to tell whey it never got any further off notwithstanding it seemed to move rapidly. Such nights were my especial delight in those days and I have not changed my opinion much, for I love them yet. Watching the vapory billows. . .between us and the moons fair face. . .moble calls up those lines of Southey's
"Look yonder at that cloud, which through the sky,
Sailing alone, doth cross in her career
The rolling Moon! I watched it as it came,
And deemed the deep opaque would blot her beams!
But melting like a wreath of snow, it hangs
In folds of wavy silver round, and clothes,
The orb with richer beauties than her own
Then passing leaves her in the light serene."
I think that beautiful. In the latter part of the same poem he runs the same happy language in speaking of the nightingale:
"Her deep and thrilling song, seemed with its piercing melody to reach
The soul, and in mysterious unison
Blend with all thoughts of gentleness and love."
No other writer can surpass him in beautiful description. I like his poems exceedingly. I do so love the Poets! Though their writings often fill my heart with restless longings for . . .perhaps I cannot help it. I can never . . .phing in my soul that I could think. . .grand thoughts and write beautiful things. . .that vanity perhaps but I can't . . .they are happier than we poor creatures. p. . .Oh! who can tell. "The heart knoweth its own bitterness and a Stranger intermeddleth not with its joys." It may be after all that while we envy them they are less happy than ourselves. One thing is certain--it is best to be content with our lot what ever it be even though we may never taste that exquisite joy that fills "The Poets happy Soul."
"Greenwood" May 12th.
Poor Tommie has been annoyed almost out of his senses by those tormenting chickens. They have been taking up his corn all week and he has to watch them "like a hawk". It is so provoking! That is it would be if it did any good to get mad. I have 35 young chickens. Begin to think we are doing finely, now that we have a cow, some pigs, chickens and a kitten. Hurrah! For "Backwoodsers". I had quite a pleasant afternoon with the Misses Collard. They are very entertaining in conversation and sing and play well, besides. The music was quite a treat to me. I do love it so dearly! Julia sang my favorite, "Thy Name was once the Magic Spell". Also a pretty song which I had never heard before--"Maggie". Brother Al and Cousin Eddie have both been to see us this week. Our friends were all well. Wish I could hear from home. It seems so long since Bettie left us.
My little Lula is nine months old today. (Note-Lula Mae Teagarden, b. Aug. 13, 1869; died Nov. 1926; m. M. L. Scott, June 23, 1890, Palo Pinto., Texas.) Well, time does fly. He "Speeds away, away, away!" It seems but a bright happy hour that she has blessed our happy home. She is growing lovelier, sweeter, dearer every hour. Oh! can we ever be sufficiently thankful for such a gift. We do thank thee! Blessed Father. Oh may Thy Spirit direct and aid us in bringing her up in the right way. If we can only do our duty toward her I have no fears but that she will always be to us what she is now--The pride of our home--the joy of our hearts.
Sunday May 15th
We were sorely tried with Lula last night. She commenced to crying to be taken up when her Pa went to put her to sleep and it took about an hour in spite of all we could do to put her to sleep. We knew wouldn't do to humor her, but it was so hard to be firm when the little Darling would look at us pleadingly, with tears streaming down her cheeks. And more so when those little quivering lips would say "Papa" so pitifully just like she was begging him to take her out of the cradle. I foresee many such tricks for us if our Darling is spared to us and I feel that we must arm ourselves with patience and firmness or our child will be ruined. To me, even such "spells" as that last night is exceedingly painful. It unnerves me entirely. Last night I could do nothing but sand and look on notwithstanding my supper was to get, milking to do and etc. I am glad Tommie has more firmness than I or I am sure she would conquer.
"Greenwood" May 15th
We have been for a ride and it was such a treat. I enjoyed it imminsely. This is the prettiest country I have seen and this is the season of all seasons to enjoy the beauties of Nature. She never presents a lovelier aspect than that which met our eyes on this evening. I had my first view of the rising city of Bremond. It is a beautiful locality but is not as large as I expected. I think it will one day be a beautiful city. (Note--1950 population of Bremond was 1,142--is market and shipping point in north of Robertson County. Calvert had 2,561 population and Owenville is a small village some three miles north of Calvert--these three places were the homes of Tommie and Nancy Jane Teagarden.)
Greenwood May 22nd.
I have been carrying on an inward warfare all day. The truth is I am very very homesick. And I must not let Tommie know for it is impossible for him to take time to take us this week and it would only trouble him. Badly as I want to go I would rather disguise my feelings entirely than to trouble him unnecessarily. Oh! I do wish it was convenient for us to go. I know Ma will be disappointed. There is to be a picnic on Wednesday and they wanted us to share in the days p. . .(Unfinished, end of page)
Another week has gone to mingle with the past. A quiet week at Greenwood. We have spent it as we have very few since our marriage--entirely alone. Mr. W. has left us and we are trying what most young "married folks" try in the beginning keeping ourselves and each other company. That dear quiet husband of mine! Perhaps those who do not know him as I do would think he wasn't much company. He is though--to me the best in the world. Sometimes I chatter away to him for an hour without his making the least reply, when all at once I think "he is certainly tired of my nonscense". Though I know he isn't. After all it is cozy and pleasant to set two chairs and plates at the table and sit down together and have no stranger to break the loving associations in which we may indulge, while with gratitude partake of our "daily bread".
*Annie wrote me she as coming to see us in June. I am very glad indeed for however pleasant it may be to be alone at mealtime, or when Tom is in the house, the long hours when he is out at work seem intermanible. I get so lonely that I am glad of an excuse to take Lula in my arms and carry "Papa" a drink. I think Anne would enjoy a visit to us if we do live quiet and secluded. The garden had fallen pretty much to my care the past week Tommie having been engaged in his field. I love to work at it--that is I would if I could, but my poor puny arms can't accomplish much.
"Greenwood" June 6th.
I have been almost sick for two or three days. I have become terrible encensed with some crab-grass which "sneaked" into my garden and tried its level best to take up its abode there. I was determined it shouldn't so we fell to battle. The contest, which by the way, was sharp and spirited was of short duration and resulted in both parties leaving the field (or rather the garden) vanquished. Such is perhaps the true state of the case for the offender disappeared and I lay in bed all day the next day from the effects of the fray. My garden is doing finely. I have plenty of vegetables and to spare. Bro. Al came up and took dinner with us today. Says he will bring Sister Lou up Saturday. I'll be so glad. I do want to see her and I am going to persuade her to stay several days if possible. What a world of talking we would do in that time. The dear quiet girl--I can talk to her with so much freedom since I understand her. At first I thought she didn't love conversation because she was always so reticent herself, but she does--and is more company to me than most persons who talk a great deal. I believe as a general thing such persons always are.
(Note--*Annie was her sister, Anne Henry Logan who married Abraham J. Willis. Anne died in April 1889 and is buried at Fort Worth, Texas. Eight children were born to this union but only three of them lived to be grown.)
"Greenwood" June 12, 1870
Well, old friend, you think I have been neglecting you, I know. But. . .up braid, and I'll tell you why it is--I am . . .tired of you by any means but the truth. . .I have something else to do when I am in. . .humor for writing. And it is folly to try. . .when I am thinking of something else. Lula has been sick two days this week but is better now. I thought she was going to have flux.
I was out in the yard this evening feeding chickens when I looked up and beheld a company of Yankees right at our yard fence--they were all in order, Bayonett in hand and I got in the house in a hurry. They are on their way to the Frontier to fight the Indians. They seemed very quiet and behaved quite gentlemanly doing no mischief except burning some of Tommie's rails. Poor fellow! They met with but little sympathy in this country, though they are now engaged for the common good. . .I felt sorry to look at them and think how soon they might fall by the hands of cruel savages, but it was not what I would have felt had it been a company of "Confederate Soldiers". No indeed! We can never feel toward the Yankees, no matter how great service they may render us, what we felt toward our own brave boys in GREY--We tolerate the Yankees because we can not help our selves--those we loved and prayed for!
We have been having a series of pleasant showers for which we are truly thankful.
"Greenwood" June 22nd
Quite peaceful and happy our days are gliding by. No ripple disrupts the smooth current of our . . . as it sweeps into eternity. Each hour. . .laden with sweetness--now and then. . .bitterness--for the Evil one whose delight. . .make us unhappy sometimes gets the best. . .struggle with our hearts and as has ever been. . .perience of erring humanity. We pay penance . . . bitterness the hour brings. No other troubles. . .our barque for as yet no cloud has arisen to affront us. Our lives are perfected in our love for each other. No unkind word has ever passed. No hard thought has ever existed between us. What a blessed state! One in spirit and letter. Surely Heaven looks down well pleased at such a union. O what a blessed portion is mine. In what a world of happy feeling do I exist. I think Heaven does not vouch safe a more perfect bliss to his creatures than the blessed marriage bond. Not (unfinished)
Note--This information is not part of the "JOURNAL of Nancy Jane (Logan) Teagarden. This Civil War Record of James Welch Logan (Pa) was copied from the Archives Department, Austin, Texas, by Hazie Davis LeFevre. This probably accounts for "Nannie's" attitude toward the Yankee.
LOGAN, J. W., Pvt. Comm. Off. Bennett, Ethelred, Capt. Co. for Robertson County; 18 Brig. T. S. T. 1862 for the War
R. & F. 82; Co. org. as Cav. or Inf. as his Regt. shall be received; if Regt. not raised, willing to be attached to some other; desire to make own selection; co. reported in compliance with 43 Sect. Mil. Las. 1MR.
"Greenwood" July 8th 1870
A sudden fit of loneliness is creeping o'er by spirits. Where shall I seek refuge! Annie is reading and Tommie either has the "blues" or is in a silent mood. I have tried in vain to enlist him in conversation. I will fly to a friend who never fails me when I feel inclined to courts its companionship. Some time I can do all the talking, but tonight, I feel like being talked to. Well I'll Let memory keep me company by a fond backward glance at loved faces that have vanished from my sight. How many Oh! how many cannot I recall whom I have loved--whose hands I have fondly clasped, whose arms have encircled my waist as we roamed carelessly over the playgrounds in our happy school days. But alas alas the cold grave hides them from my view. I shall never look into their eyes or hear their familiar voices again. Their eyelids are locked in the last long sleep. Even tonight I cannot think of them without an eager longing to look once more upon them. Ah! there is one--a bright girlish form who is associated in my mind with all that is gentle lovely and good who is now quietly sleeping in the graveyard at Calvert. While above her a marble slab marks her resting place tells us that our loved school mate rests in Peace. Oh! Emma, Emma, art thou gone! So young to quit this beautiful Earth! For it was bright and beautiful to thee, sweet friend. Thy pure heart had as was meet, but few trials--the idol of Parents, the possessor of beautiful wealth and accomplishments--thou wert still farther blessed a luguriant home, a noble husband, and a beautiful bright-eyed babe.
July 24th 1870
So many changes have taken place both around us and in our plans and prospects that I hardly know where to begin to speak of them. Several days after I wrote last a false report reached us that Pa was taken worse suddenly and sent for us. It was Saturday that Pa was taken worse suddenly and sent for us. It was Saturday and Bro. Al and Lu were with us, but we left everything in fact, and started at daylight expecting to find Pa dying or dead. Great was our relief then to find the story entirely without foundation. Pa was slowly improving but it happened he took fever again that day we came down and was so sick we couldn't go home. Tommie wanted to go over into Bell County, so he left me here and was gone nearly a week. During which time Pa again began to convalesce. So I went upon a visit to Uncle Jimmie's--enjoyed myself finely. Tommie came home sooner than I expected. And all this time our home had been left at the mercy of whatever chose to molest it. So when Tommie went up to see how matters stood he found our pretty little home desolated. The cattle and hogs had broken into the field and garden and literally destroyed every root and branch. It was too bad. Tommie said he could hardly keep from crying when he saw the destruction that had been wrought in so short a time. The change was so great that he said it looked more desolate than the wilderness. I declare I don't feel like I could bear to see my pretty garden in which I had spent so many pleasant hours. It now hasn't a single green leaf--it is too bad.
Calvert August 11th, 1870
It has come! The trial so long expected. The dreaded Messenger has swooped down upon our happy household and laid an icy hand upon its members. Oh! it was easy to contemplate but hard--so hard to realize. And is it true that we laid our *dear little brother in the grave? That we have seen the death damp gather on his young brow? And the bright blue eyes grow dim, the light of recognition fade from their clear depths and that look of fearful suffering take its place which we can never, never forget though our lives should be prolonged until the Frosts of our three score years and ten shall have silvered our hair and quenched the light of our own eyes. And Oh! is it true that Dear Pa too is gone? That he is lying in that narrow bed, or was it only a dream that a sorrow stricken family stood round his bed and saw the light which has been feeble flickering so long go softly out as some star fades from our earth to rise with renewed splendor on a brighter world. Alas Alas for us it is not dream but a sad reality. Faithful memory brings up those scenes too vividly for us to be deceived. We know that they have passed away from us--that two lowly mounds of freshly piled clods are all that remains to us of those we loved and yet our hearts still refuse to accept the . . .rnful truth that we will see their loved. . . gaze upon their dear faces no more. . .e! Oh! God how bitter it would be if we. . .comprehend it, but we cannot we still listen for their footsteps and watch for their coming in the happy days when we were an unbroken family. *What a change in one short week. Mysterious are thy ways, Oh! God. Yet we know that He doesth all things well. He has afflicted us not in anger but in love. Pa died so much easier than I had expected that I was infinitely relieved when I saw his spirit had passed away without a single struggle. All day I had been trembling with a terrible dread that he would die hard for from the state of his lungs I could not see how it could be otherwise. But Thank God! we were spared the agony of seeing him struggle at all for no babe ever sank to slumber more calmly and softly than he fell into that last long sleep. I think the terrible blow of losing his Johnnie (The last sentence was never finished.)
(Note-*The little brother was John Wesley" Johnnie" Logan, b. 1857; died Aug. 1, 1870. Johnnie went to drive the cows out of the wooded-pasture and a rain shower thoroughly wet his clothing. He was developing measles, it was later determined, and after much severe suffering, died within a few days. His father had the family carry him to the front porch to where he could see them bury the little lad--the first to die out of a family of nine children. James Welch Logan had had a prolonged illness of the lungs; he died exactly one week from the day Johnnie died. He was buried in the Family Cemetery which is located between the road and the house, on a one-quarter acre of land in the middle of a large field. The old home was located one mile due south of Calvert, Texas--on the high-way to Houston--and sat back about one eighth mile from the road.
August 13th 1870
And is it possible that a year has gone past since my little Lula opened her sweet blue eyes upon our earth. How well do I remember my feelings when she was first laid in my arms--with what rapture I gazed upon her and thanked God for her while the new "Papa" stood by as deeply entranced as I. I thought then that I loved her with all my heart and no matter how long she might live I could never love her more, but Ah! how was I mistaken. Dear as she then was my affection for her was not one thousandth part of what it is on this her first birthday. No, I see how it is. Every day she lives makes her that much dearer to us. And it will always be so. As she grows and begins to show marks of intelligence we cling to her the more closely. I sometimes fear we do not bear in mind as we ought, that we may be called upon any hour to give her up. And if God should see fit to take the little dove from us--I don not know, but I fear it would be very hard for us to say "Thy will be done". And it may be his good pleasure to do so though I hope not. I hope he will permit us to keep her and enable us to discharge the duty of rearing her faithfully. If I know my own heart it is my earnest desire to live an humble Christian life--to teach my child both by precept and example how to live a godly life. I wish to prepare her for a life of usefulness for I think even a woman may do much good in the world.
Sept. 7th 1870 A. D.
A rainy day is past and night is drawing round her curtain of darkness. Tommie will not be with me tonight. He has accepted a clerkship in the Maj.'s store and for a short time will have to stay every other night. I have undertaken to teach the children. And I find it is going to be a hard task on account of Lula's being sick so much. She has been fretting all day and I hardly know whether to try it any longer or not. She is very unwell and I don't like for her to cry when she is sick. Tommie is very well pleased with his situation and the renumeration he receives will be amply sufficient for our expenses. All I dislike about it is his having to sleep there. If eel so lonely when he is gone at night.
Addie and Ann have been attending the camp meeting at Mt. Vernon. They have had a warm meeting from the number of conversions it seems there has been quite a revival. How much I wish I could have attended it. It has been so long since I enjoyed a good meeting. Addie was a mourner during the entire meeting and has seemed very serious since she came home. It is my earnest heartfelt prayer that she may continue to seek God's pardoning peace. And Oh! Heavenly Father wilt thou speedily bid her sorrow depart and lift upon her the light of thy countenance graciously reconciled. How my soul would rejoice to see her happily converted. I promised my dear dear Pa when he was dying to do all I could to lead my sisters to the Savior that we might all meet him on the bright shore to which he has preceded us. How can I fulfill that solemn promise. . .by earnest supplication at the footstool of mercy. Alas! I fear my example is not what it should be. I know I often do and say things which are greatly at variance with that of an humble follower of the meek and lowly Jesus. What account shall I render for the influence errors have upon others? Oh! that God would make me to live more consistently that my profession be not a reproach to his Holy cause.
How I miss Pa and Johnnie. It seems impossible even now when they have been lying in the grave a month to realize that we shall never more look upon their faces. Yet while we mourn their absence it is a precious thought which sometimes comes to comfort our hearts--they are in Heaven, safely sheltered from the storms of this wicked world. They will never know sorrow, or care, or sickness more. They are beholding the face of the Redeemer and feasting on the joys of Heaven--those Heavenly joys that it hath never entered into the hearts of man to conceive the nature and fulness of. Should I not rejoice that this blessed portion is theirs instead of what they suffered on earth? It may not be long till we shall join them. (Note--She died within a year from this date.) Certain it is that we must some day lie down beside them and Oh! may our spirits meet theirs in the bright realms above.
Ma bears her loss better than I expected. She is of such a disposition that I feared she would almost die, but she bears it with Christian fortitude. May God bless and comfort her, and grant that she may be long spared to us.
I have been out shopping--bought me a beautiful French poplin dress and some other articles upon the whole made a considerable bill. I don't believe I got anything though but what I needed. I try not to be extravagant--am not in fact.
"Busy little fingers
Everywhere they go
Rosy little fingers
The sweetest that I know
Now into my workbox
All the buttons finding
Tangling up the knitting
Every spool unwinding
Now into the basket
Where the keys are hidden
Knowing it forbidden
Then in Mother's tresses
Now her neck enfolding
With such sweet caresses
Keeping off the scolding
Darling little fingers
Never, never still
Make them, Heavenly Father
One day to they will."
How pretty Lula is becoming. It seems to me she is more winning every day. It fills my heart with a joy too deep for words to see her mind daily expand and marks of deep, strong intellect unfold themselves on her pure baby brow. Oh! how proud I am of the sweet assurance that my dear little Lula will one day possess treasures of mind more valuable and lasting than all the riches of a proud kingdom. I hear her sweet voice making glad music to my heart as I write and here she comes crawling along in true baby fashion, making straight for Mama's chair with a face of eager expectation. That little head has come to seek its pillow--and it shall have it. Yes, come to thy mother's bosom thou darling of surpassing beauty. When I contemplate the sweetness of thy spotless brow! When I gaze upon thy soft blue eyes with all a mother's fondness, I humbly ask of Merciful Heaven to shield thee from all harm. Oh! may thy life long sweetness illumine thy lovely face as bright and pure as it is now. When I look upon thy lovely open brow, so soft and wondrous fair I sigh to think what lines of care and deepest anguish may one day be written there on when I and thy fond father who loves thee so tenderly shall be numbered with the dead. Sweet Lula thou canst not know what a joy thou art and yet I sometimes think when I see the quick. . .tion of thy lovely beaming eye that thou knowest. . .deep I love and knowing loves so. . .
Sept. 26th 1870
I get along very well teaching the children. I have no other pupils out of the family except Wiley James. I find him a very good little boy, rather studiously inclined, so I have but little trouble with him. I tried keeping Lula in my room a while but the little sprite cut so many antics that I am obliged to banish her to Grandma's keeping. The children are making some advancement and I hope to be able to do them some good. Addie and Ann are studying Algebra. I was at first somewhat surprised at the difficulty I had in getting that first named sister of mine interested in her studies. But at last I have found out the secret--the sly minx is in love and her thoughts are too much engrossed in what are at present, weightier matters--at least to her. Ah! sister mine, I know all about it, for I have had some experience in the same kind of thing. Well well I must say that much as I want her to study and improve, if the object of her affection is worthy of her I am heartily glad for her and I know that it is next to impossible for any one to study while considering the "important question".
What nice times I have in going to meet Tom in the evenings. I am always glad to see the sun begin to set. The gathering twilight is a signal of any ones loved ones coming. Mrs. Washam who is boarding with us, says we will get over our honey moon yet before we have been married many years longer. Heaven knows I hope not. Nor do I believe we ever will get to treating each other with such cold. . .as I see in a great many married people. We love each other too well.
October 3 1870
There is great excitement in Calvert and surrounding country. The dreadful scourage, yellow fever, is threatening to enthrone its deadly pass of gloom over our land, for a week nothing else has been thought of, or talked of. Calvert was quarantined yesterday and whether there is a single case there or not the mercantile world is thrown into confusion. No one is permitted to enter the City limits except for medicine or physicians. Oh! it is a terrible time, but, nothing like would be if the dreaded enemy should indeed come upon us as we fear. And we have but little room to hope for it is in Galveston and Houston and may walk with the same rapid strides that in 1867 brought it into more inland towns than it had ever before visited. True it is some later in the season than when it then began its fatal march--still it may have a long time to rage and spread before there is frost enough to end it. The weather is cool now but whether it will retard the destroyer's progress or not is more than we can tell. Some say cool weather, unless it is cold enough to frost makes against it. I cannot believe that it will get very bad for the air feels so pure and cool. But none can tell. I have but little confidence in the quarantine for I do not believe they can keep men from coming up from below. There are citizens of Calvert below who went there before the fever broke out who will of course return to their homes in spite of all they can do to prevent them. If forbidden they will slip in, and I don't know that they can be blamed for doing so, though it may bring it here. We can but pray that a compassionate Father will overrule all things and spare us. We must leave it in His hands, trusting in His mercy.
I have a new scholar today and will have another tomorrow. Am getting along very well. Tome will be with me for awhile if the fever comes or even if the quarantine continues, for I suppose the stores will be closed and he will be at liberty. I must say I am glad of it. Addie has gone to Owenville on a visit.
Tommie stood guard until midnight last night. He says the excitement still continues though yesterdays dispatches were favorable. No fever at all in Houston and but few cases in Galveston. It may be that after all that we are needlessly alarmed. The citizens of Calvert are highly indignant about the quarantine. They held a meeting yesterday and voted unanimously for it to be raised but the Mayor refused to do as they wished. He will not even admit citizens who happened to be absent when orders were issued.
We have a nice cool morning. All are well.
Oct. 6th (1870)
Last evening *Bettie took Lula out for a walk and *Russia went with her and carried Ludie (Tudie). As they came back they concluded to exchange. So Rusha took Lula and Bettie took Ludie. Just as Bettie went to cross the Rail-Road her foot caught and she fell forward--Ludie falling on the track. What a time there was! We were all nearly frightened to death for by the time Bettie got her home there was a large ridge on each side of the hurt which made it appear like a deep gash on the back of her head and we were all sure her skull was broken. Never shall I forget the wild anguish of her mother's cry when she first perceived the frightful wound. Bettie's distress was almost equal to her's. For my own part I could not summon the courage to examine her but from what they all said I had no idea she would live two hours. The Dr. was here in a twinkle but could not tell whether the hurt was serious or not. He said there was no immediate danger but that night convulsions might ensue, so we sat up and watched her all night. She seems as well as usual and is very lively today. The Dr. came back this morning and said the danger is over. I need not say we are all thankful, I especially for it seemed a providential thing that it was not Lula. I never had anything to affect me more than that did--so I suppose it is useless to shudder over what "might have been". The people of Calvert kept on tormenting the Mayor about the quarantine until her finally removed it entirely. There is nothing now to prevent its coming to Calvert.
Calvert Oct. 10th
I have been spending several days with Lu, enjoyed my visit better than any I have made in some time. All fear of yellow fever had subsided but the merchants still complain that business is very dull. Persons at a distance still believe the fever is raging here. A gentleman who came up from Bryan yesterday says it is reported there and generally believed there that at least 15 deaths occur daily in Calvert and that the bodies are interred at night to prevent its being known. This is of course utterly false.
I met our old friend "Cousin Button". He is the same funny fellow as ever. He promised to come visit us soon. I like him so much. Weighed Lula. What a "speck" she is--14 months old day after tomorrow and weighs 17-1/2 lbs.
Oh! I had forgotten that tonight is lodge night. So Tom will not be at home until late. I believe I have never before imparted to my "Silent Companion" the fact that my Tom has joined the Odd Fellows. It would have been a pity if I had neglected it entirely. To leave off jesting I was very glad indeed to have him join them for I believe it is a good thing. I hope he will conclude to join the Masons too.
(Note--Bettie was her sister, Elizabeth Penelope Logan--older than Nancy Jane. Russia or Rusha was a younger sister, Jerusha Hays Logan, b. 1855--died before she reached her twentieth year of age.)
Oct. 18th. 1870
It has been raining almost incessantly for three days. Everything is completely "soaked" that from appearances one would imagine it had been raining as many weeks. The yard is full of water and mud and every thing looks dreary enough. Tom didn't get home last night. Dear Tom! He bought me a valuable present Saturday--$25000, but I pray that it may be long before I take possession of it as it's to be at his decease. He had his life insured for that amt.--were it a million times as much I would still pray that it might never be mine for so entirely are we linked together that I have fondly hoped that death may never divide us. But when that summons comes for one it may receive us both. I think it would be sweet to lie down in death together. But that will hardly be. One or the other must be left to travel on alone a while though I trust it will not be long. Life without each other would be a sad burden.
Oct. 24th 1870
'Tis raining again. Yesterday was a beautiful day. Addie, Mrs. W., Tommie and I went to church. Heard an excellent discourse from Bro. Lane. His farewell sermon to the people of C. His text was Isaiah 1 & 2 "Behold, a King shall reign in righteousness, and princes shall rule in judgment. And a man shall be as a hiding place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest; as rivers of water in a dry place, as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land". The second sermon I have heard in nearly two years. Tommie says we will go oftener now that we can leave Lula at home. I shall be very glad indeed if we can for though I haven't gone it was not that I did not wish to be there. I can truly say with the Psalmist "I was glad when they said unto me, let us go unto the house of the Lord".
November 1st., 1870
Saturday night was a terrible night in Calvert. The house of Tabor and Luce took fire and flames spread to the adjoining buildings until three squares were burned. The most important business houses in town right on Main Street. We had just gone to bed when Ma noticed the illumination and thought it was an auroraborealis. She soon discovered what it was and cried out to Tommie that Calvert was on fire. He sprang out of bed, was dressed with in seconds and kissing me goodbye bounded away toward town. We all hurried down to the Rail Road to obtain a better view of the fire and Oh! what an awful sight met our eyes. The flames seemed to envelop the town. It made our hearts sicken within us to look upon the ascending flames and think of the mighty destruction that was going on. I had never witnessed a fire before and had no idea how terrible it was. Tommie ran all the way to town and worked all night carrying out goods. They carried all the goods out of their store and Mollie and Lu guarded the. Tommie says he never saw as much confusion and distress in all his life. Many men were entirely ruined. A few who had their houses insured will loose but little. It is said that a drunken man was burned in one of the houses but whether it is true or false I cannot learn. "Riches take themselves wings and fly away." They did that night sure. I shivered as if in a ague all the time. I hope I may never witness another such scene. Tommie stayed in town all day yesterday and it was a very lonely day to me. Addie spent the day with Mollie P. There was a disappointment about preaching as the minister did not come as was appointed. Lula seems unwell.
. . .aday Jan. 13
We had another cold day. I slept but little last night. Lula was restless and fretful all night and then I felt so anxious about Aunt Mary I could not have slept as I was disturbed by . . .I closed my eyes. I felt so sure. . .that she was to betaken from us. I . . .her this morning and was glad to find her much better than I expected. A little babe was born during the night which gave a few feeble gasps then closed its young life. Oh! I was so sorry. Aunt Mary seemed much grieved. They committed it to the grave this evening. I deeply sympathize. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be His holy name. Mysterious are the . . .of providence.
Addie spent the night with Mrs. Perkins. . .away from home more contentedly than I anticipated. . .acquaintance of Mrs. Moore today. Tommie says he is. . .farming. I hope he will not work so hard as he used to. . .year. I declare he used to come home so tired he could scarcely walk. And it always makes me feel so badly. Working for me! I found a perfect little gem in the Ladies Book the other day. I called it so because it so perfectly expressed my feelings.
"I am sitting thinking of my pleasant lot-
Of my many blessings that I merit not
And my cup of gladness, filled up from above,
Has been handed me by my husband's love.
Oh! that love so precious, how it gilds my life,
How it makes me thankful for the name of wife,
And I pity maidens, who are growing old
Whom no shepherd seeks for and who needs a fold.
I am sitting think in an easy chair
And the one who shields me for my sake doth bear
Storms and wintry weather that my life may be
By his toil kept tranquil as a Summers sea."
. . .my life perfectly tranquil. May I ever act my part. . .that both our lives may flow smoothly on "like the free current of a melodious stream whose association is with. . .sunbeam and shadows, the song of forest birds, the dear. . .every bank and all things sweet and. . .is around us in our happiest moments. . .
Two days have passed since I laid down my pen. Friday I was busy both at home and at Aunt Mary's for I try to do all I can to help her in her sickness. She is improving very. . .I think she will be able to sit up in a few days.
Yesterday I spent the morning at the Artist's Gallery. . .get Lula's photograph but the little Elf wouldn't be still a moment. We got some but I think them very poor ones. Better than none however. No church today. A pleasant day but for the wind which is disagreeably strong. Addie wrote home. Heard the sad news of Will Colburn's death. I was so sorry to hear of it. He was an excellent young man and we have so few such in our land. Doubtless he left many friends who will mourn his early decease. Cut down in the flower of youth.
"Death rides on every passing breeze
And lurks in every flower."
One of the coldest days we have had this season. I have had a good deal to do today, consequently feel tired. Began a shirt for Tommie, want to see how long it will take me to make it. Cut out some Aprons for Lula. She doesn't seem to be well. Tommie has a bad cold.
Calvert. Feb. 19th. 1871
A more beautiful Sabbath morning never dawned. It "maketh glad" our hearts as nothing else could. The bright sunshine seems to tell us that Spring will soon be here to renovate dead nature. From my door this morning not a green leaf is visible save some Peas which I planted in the yard. Nothing but naked branches above a carpet of brown and withered leaves upon the earth. Not even the friendly Mistletoe to break the monotony of the dull scene. But a few days of such glorious sunshine and we will see a happy transformation bursting buds of tender green will cover those leafless boughs and a soft mat of grass and flowers the ground. Sunshine in the outer world and bright sunshine in my heart! There is, this morning, no cloud in my life. It is one of the brightness, sweetness. My cup still runneth over. My heart tells me. . .not altogether ungrateful for the Heavenly (beauties?) lavished upon me for there is seldom that I do not think upon them and return thanks to the great "Giver" for them. Would that I could feel a greater weight of gratitude.
My dear little Lula is growing fast and is becoming more robust every day. I have never seen her look so healthy. Sweet little darling! She is learning to talk very fast. A few months more and a new link will be added to the chain that binds us to life and to each other. Another precious tie. My heart bounds at the thought though I know I must pass through "deep waters" before I can gaze upon its innocent face. God grant me patience and resignation to what ever I may have to endure. I have many hopes and fears about it.
Feb. 24th. 1871
My dream of Sunshine is past and thick lowering clouds darken the earth. I have read often of "rainy days" and this is certainly one. It brought a disappointment too as such days always do in novels. I had made up my mind to go to church today for the last time in several months. I have been to church so seldom that I was really anxious to go. A quarterly meeting is in progress. Addie said they had the best sermon last night she had heard for months. Dr. Davis preached. Bishop Marvin (?) is at the meeting. I should like very . . .much to go tomorrow as there is to be communion and should like very much to partake once more but I am afraid we will have another bad day. Tommie came home so tired last night! He is working very hard but I hope we will be able to live easier before long. He has done so. . .toward improving our place and I hope next fall we will have another home. It . . . be a beautiful place if we ever get it improved. My Peas grow so rapidly. Ma has gardened a little. We planted out two fine Strawberry beds this week.
Some of the plants are blooming--if we don't have frost they will bear this year. Ma's little Peach trees are in bloom. I should be so sorry to see them killed.
Feb. 25th 1871
I may truly say that I have had a feast of the Soul. Went to church last night and heard a very good sermon. Went again this morning and heard one of the best I ever listened to. It was delivered by the Rev. Fisher--an old grey headed veteran of the Cross. He told us today that he preached his first sermon forty-eight years ago. That is a long time to labor in the good cause. Surely a happy reward awaits him in the mansions of the blest. Oh! if we could only hear such eloquence all the time it would be worth our time to go to church every Sunday. It was indeed a splendid discourse--founded upon the sixth chapter of the Revelations. The Sacrament was not administered as appointed--I do not know why. It was a mistake about Bishop Martin being here--after all--it was a preacher named Bishop. A disappointment to many. The congregation was large and very attentive. Bro. Fisher closed by an exhortation to us all to read our Bibles more. Said he feared many of used a novel better than the Word of God. Oh! I could listen to him always and never tire. Although he spoke plainly of our sins and spared not. There will be a preaching again tonight but it is too long a walk for me to undertake twice in one day. Besides I think it is too cold to go out at night. May they have a good meeting though I can not be there.
This has been a great day of suffering. Cause unknown. Should it continue I shall be compelled to consult a Physician. I have some fears that it may be something serious. Went to town yesterday and sat for a portrait Tommie is going to have mine and his painted. Oh! how proud I shall be to have his! He will prize mine too, and both will be a dear legacy to bequeath our children when we are gone from them. I should so love to have a picture of Pa and Ma when young.
March The 26th, 1871
The last was written nearly a month ago. I was quite sick for more than a week afterwards--Drs. Tobin and Colburn both came to see me. I am quite well now. As I predicted when I wrote last there has been a great change in the face of nature. The woods are getting green and we are rich in bright Spring flowers. I keep my vases full all the time and never tire of looking at them--the sweetest gift of Heaven to man. Went to church last Tuesday. Heard a most excellent sermon by Bro. Marvin--"Behold the Lamb of Good that taketh away the Sins of the World." He is a Splendid Speaker--doubtless a good man--a sincere Christian. Spent an evening with Mollie and Lu--enjoyed it extremely. Al and Lu intended going to see Ma this Summer. (Note--Al Teagarden and Tommie were brothers.) I hope they will. How I wish I could go with the. But that is impossible.
I have been engaged for a week on a tiny wardrobe for a little stranger expected soon. Made a number of gowns, wrappers, an aprons etc. How happy and thankful I shall be when I clasp the precious little one to by bosom and feel that the danger is past. For I know such treasures are purchased only by sore travail close by the gates of Death--I feel great dread when I think of it but I hope the same hand that supported me through some such trial will kindly sustain in this. If ever any one needs divine strength it is at such a time. Lula has not been well. For some time. She has learned to walk and talk.
March 29th, 1871
Wonders will never cease! A thing occurred yesterday which I could never believe if I didn't just know it was so. Mattie and her husband (Note, William Pickens Davis) are re-united. After a separation of three years they have again concluded to try each other "for better, for worse". I greatly fear it will be for worse alone though we have all some hope that he will do better. He makes every promise that she could ask, and friends say there has already been a considerable reformation in his character. Heaven knows there was room for improvement. I do hope he has forsaken his wicked ways and that there is still happiness in store for both. They have my hearts warmest wishes for a life of contentment and peace.
Tom and I are reading "What Can Woman Do?" Lula still very unwell. The Dr. thinks it is her teeth. He lanced her gums this morning.
April 18, 1871.
Well old Journal I fear I have neglected you sadly of late. But I shall repay all by better conduct in future. Perhaps you do not know that I propose making a daily companion of you during the next month or two. Yes, you shall share the thoughts and feelings that I have heretofore poured into a more sympathizing bosom. My darling husband is now hastening from me with all the speed a steam engine can make. I watched for the train this morning for one parting glance but it flashed by so quickly that I could not get to see him. Ah! well! I can live in the memory of his last dear kisses, his sweet goodby. He will be gone six weeks and Oh! such long weeks they will be. I felt awful last night when he came home and said he had concluded to start this morning. I almost felt like he was leaving forever, the time seemed so long. I never tried so hard to control my feelings in all my life and yet in spite of all my "choking back" the cry would come. I was sorry to be so overcome for it only made it harder for him to leave and that was hard enough--any one could see. Besides it looked unkind to give way to it when it was just as sad to him, and I had intended to be so cheerful and show him I was happy to have him go--which I really was, though it hurt me to part with him. I have been anxious for him to go and see his mother ever since we were married for he has not seen her for eleven years--and I thought it was a duty he owed her--There was nothing to prevent his going now and he did not know when he would have another opportunity. As he had time and money and met with the good fortune to get company it seemed too good a chance to lose. I have laid no plans yet as to how I shall kill time while he is away--Oh! how lonely I am going to be. But if my darling can only have a pleasant visit and get back safely I shall ask no more. Take care of him Oh! Father, and grant him a safe return! Amen!
(Calvert April 23, 1871)
Well my darling has been gone five days and is doubtless many miles from me. He is having delightful weather for the trip. I do hope he will enjoy himself during this visit for it is the first he has made in a long while and will probably be the last for years. I am getting along much better than I expected--indeed I may say that I have enjoyed myself though it has taken some "choking back" of tears as dark came on and brought no husband. I was surprised at my own tranquillity of mind while he was on the Gulf--I thought I would be miserable--but instead I felt little more anxiety than if he were at town as usual. I seemed to feel that Heaven was smiling upon him and would protect and save him from danger. If I can only keep on this holy armor of Faith I shall not suffer much though he may be gone longer than I expect. Savior, help me to trust him entirely in thy hands! I heard form him today--He reached Galveston on the morning of the 20th and expected to start at two o'clock for New Orleans--Is there before this. How thankful I am that he had so calm a time to make the passage. How happy his mother will be to see him! Would that I too could share the joyful meeting. Twilight is gathering fast and I must leave my Journal to sing an evening lullaby to my little Lamb. Thank God! for her precious company. I should be lonely indeed without it.
May 9th. 1871
My heart was filled with gladness by the reception of a letter--Such a dear sweet letter! handed me at noon Sunday--I need not say who it was from. Tom was four days longer making the trip than he expected. The letter rejoiced me so much that I believe I will give it a place in my Journal. Oh! how happy I will be when the time expires and I can have my darling husband with me once more! I have been very busy yesterday and today preparing for our little wedding. Had good luck with both Silver and golden cake. We will soon be through baking--(John is the most impatient boy (he is nothing more) I ever saw in my life. He was here this morning before breakfast was fairly over. Bettie was quite sick last night but is better this morning.
(Note--by HDL., John P. Gray married "Bettie" Elizabeth Penelope Logan on May 11, 1871--Book III, page 148, Robertson Co., Texas. Executed by M. N. Weatherby, Mg. G. P. Bettie was twenty-eight years old, surely John was not "just a boy".)
May 19th, 1871
The wedding passed off very quietly and pleasantly--and we are again jogging along without anything to occupy our time and thoughts. I have nothing to do but sit and idly dream of my loved one's coming. Since Sunday I have been in a state of suspense--palpitating between hope and fear. The hope of seeing my darling in a day or two and the fear of being disappointed. Uncle J. is on his way home. He telegraphed from Cairo last Saturday that he was coming but did not say whether Tom was with him or not. I can't help but think he is tough Bro. Al does not believe it at all. I have heard nothing from him since he left St. Louis. Oh! if he should come tonight.
May 20th, 1871
I never felt a more bitter disappointment in all my life than that which filled my heart last night when the train swept by without catching a glimpse of my anxiously expected husband. We were all sure he would get here by that time. We all went down to the road fully expecting to see him but no such sight was ours. The disappointment was almost a shock, and I am sure even Tom himself would have excused the cry I indulged in. Maybe he will come tonight however I am going to try my very best not to think so lest I should be deceived again. Oh! may the protecting hand of our Heavenly Father be near him whether he comes tonight or not. Into Thy Hands I commit him!
He did not come! Instead of being clasped to his bosom I had to be content with a letter which informed me that he would get here about the first of June. At first it seemed an Eternity but since I have thought more on the subject I am glad he is making out his visit not withstanding it is so hard to have him away. It would have been a pity to go so far and spend so much to stay only a few days. He was about starting to Columbia to see Aunt Julia. He writes that he has had a very pleasant time and has done an immense amount of visiting and talking. Saw his brother Charlie married on the 11th. Brother Walter is coming home with him. I am so glad!
We had a terrible hailstorm last evening which has almost ruined farmers generally. Ma's garden that looked so promising in the morning is now a sight to behold. Everything beat into atoms. I was walking in it half an hour before the storm came up and thought I had never seen any thing so flourishing. But it is "done for" now and we can only. . .to it. this is a lovely day.
John and Bettie and Addie have gone to church. Will and the other girls are out berry hunting--so Ma, Mattie and myself are the only ones at home. Mattie says Lula is growing rapidly. she can see the difference better than I. I am afraid she will not know her Papa at all. She has ceased to talk about him or look for him. Oh! what a happy time it will be when he gets here. Sometimes I can hardly wait.
May 23rd, 1871
I have been trying to "Sleep in the carriage" this week--trying to forget every thing that I not observe how the time lags. But do what I will I can not conquer lonliness. No company, no excitement whatever can banish the thought of my darling's absence or my longing desire to see him. But it is only a week or two longer I hope. all are well this morning. Lula has had a very bad rising on the back of her neck that came very near making her sick but it is getting well now.
(The following and final entry in the "Journal" is written with a pencil--the only one not written in ink--and is almost illegible. HDL)
Dear Lord, How happy am I! So deep is my joy that it seems impossible to realize it in its full extent. The struggle with lonliness is over. God has heard my prayers--and my dear, dear husband has returned. . .and hearty.
(Note by HDL--Nancy Jane "Nannie" Logan Teagarden died when the "little Stranger" was born. The child was named Thomas H. Teagarden, Jr., but it lived only a few hours. Aunt Susan B. Logan Davis said the babe was buried in the arms of its mother, in the family cemetery, where she had seen her father and little brother Johnnie buried less than a year before.
On page 20 our her "Journal" Aunt Nannie says, "the sly little minx (sister Addie) is in love and her thoughts are too much engrossed in what are at present, weightier matters--at least to her" to be interested in her study of Algebra. What became of that romance is not known to the compiler of these notes.
Thomas H. Teagarden married Miss Addie Logan on July 25, 1872, Calvert Texas. Marriage performed by Oscar M. Addison--See Marriage Book 5, page 10, County Court Records, Robertson Co., Texas.
To this union was born a son, Albert Logan Teagarden, 6-6-1876. The genealogical data concerning the children, Lula and A. Logan Teagarden, is given in the family history section.
Some of the pages are evidently missing from the "Journal" but I believe this was the last page. The first of the "Journal" was much more worn than the last pages--probably due to the way it had been folded during the years. In copying the long hand each typed page included two original ones. The hand writing was very clear and beautiful but the missing words occurred at the close of the lines where the pages had become brittle and broken off. The is indicated by . . .
It is copied verbatim. All notes are so indicated.